Finding some holiday cheer that really lasts

The holidays are just about over and most of us are already thinking about the coming year, work, new clients, taxes and all the labor that goes into making our lives as freelancers.

For me I’m still thinking about the holiday just past and I think I’ve come to something of a revelation – for me at least.

I have sweet memories of childhood Christmas mornings when I leaped out of bed early and went tearing full speed to the living room. There the big tree with its colorful lights was now transformed into a an banquet of carefully wrapped boxes containing who knows what wonderful gifts. And, the slice of cake and milk I had left for Santa were now gone and a note of jolly thanks sat on the empty plate.

It was a marvelous magical time that only a child’s mind could perceive. The passing of those years and the loss of innocence has made those holiday memories distant. They’ve been replaced by the realities of parents who weren’t very wise and dependable and a world that isn’t very jolly. Life has tainted the joy of childhood for me much as it has for many others.

Don’t get me wrong. I do like the parties and the music and the chance to watch – once again – How the Grinch Stole Christmas and A Christmas Carol. I still get choked up over Tiny Tim, but my favorite Dickens’ character is Scrooge. Sure, he’s not very likeable, but I can understand his honest point of view. All this Christmas stuff seems like a waste sometimes. Have you ever tried to get anyone at the office around December 25th? Without fail they’ve just left or they’re at some office party.

The holidays are also the time for visiting and being visited by friends and relatives. And, for many people, that’s where the holiday rub comes in. All of us have some people whom we see during this orgy of familial good times that – if we weren’t in the same family we would have no reason to seek out their company. Many people look to family visits with dread because they know that conflicts will ensue and they’ll come back not just with a few extra pounds, but some hurt feelings as well.

Over the years I’ve participated in those situations more than once. Nobody can push your buttons quite like family. The worst part of it is that even when you see it coming – just like last year and the one before – you’re still hit between the eyes with those barbs as if it were a well executed ambush.

I had that experience myself. Sitting at dinner listening yet again to a relative’s unendingly negative take on the world. In past years that would have pushing me over the emotional edge. But, I decided, not this time.

I smiled and nodded and changed the subject. The words continued to come. I didn’t respond. Without really thinking about it, the mood passed and we moved on to other topics.

Your antagonists don’t change until you do and you won’t change until you stop being a willing participant in the dance. For me the first step was giving up the all consuming desire to be right. The second, was learning that even when you win in this game, you lose.

When the irritation starts growing because of the direction a conversation has taken, I’ve come to realize that I’m seeing myself in the words and faces of my relatives. And, with that realization has come a new ease and a new empathy. Just like me they’re doing the best they can with the cards they’ve been dealt.

That’s some holiday cheer that can work all year.

How to deal with an addiction

Recently I’ve been going through a crisis that has shaken me to my very depth of my being, kept me up at night, and filled me with dread.

You see, I have an addiction and, just as in the famous first step of AA, I have come to realize that I’m powerless in the face of it. My addiction is to books. Stepping into a Borders and even surfing onto Amazon.com, I lose control. Looking at all those stout hard covers or shiny paperbacks, I know that I have to have them.

Yes, it’s sad and hard to admit publically just what a slave I have become to street corner pushers with names like Random House, HarperCollins or that crafty and seductive Penguin.

Once I started buying books it became clear to everyone except me that I had truly fallen victim to a force much greater than me. Books filled my shelves only to be pushed back to make room for another row. When the boards groaned under the weight, I started hiding – I mean storing – them in closets. They stacked up on my nightstand and I couldn’t get to sleep each night without a reading fix.

Soon I began getting disapproving looks from my partner. She asked questions such as:

• “Are you really going to read all of them?”
• “I suppose the 11 foot ceilings will limit the size of your stack.”
• “Don’t you already have a copy of that one?”
• “Do you know how many books you actually have?’

I had never counted them since I feared the number might exceed the local library’s collection. It was also hard to admit that I loved the books themselves as much as the words and ideas they contained.

One day I told her we needed more bookcases. She said: “I don’t think we need more bookcases. I think you need fewer books.”

She just didn’t understand. She couldn’t feel the pleasure of holding a sleek new volume in your hands and finding a new place for it…somewhere.

Finally, I looked around one day and realized that my books had almost maxed out my living space. There was no unused space in my office and the living room bookcases no longer looked so grand now crammed tight with books. To open a cabinet door I had to move a stack and then move it back to get to another one. Their spines stared at me mockingly and I thought I heard a small voice say: “You belong to us.”

They were everywhere and I had to admit as much as I loved them it might be time to give up at least some of them.

Taking a deep breath I began pulling first one and then another from the shelves or cabinets or the floor on which they rested. Unread novels went first. Books on military history were followed by a small collection of “the horror of the Bush Administration” classics.

I began donating them to charity and selling them on Amazon – taking advantage of someone else’s lack of self control no doubt.

The size of my collection is now diminished. They still number in the high hundreds, but I’ve gotten to a point where my office and living space doesn’t appear to be totally dominated by them. And, I no longer seem quite so much like that old lady with too many cats.

Rise of the Idiocracy: Just how stupid are you?

Image by flickr user SpiritMama. Used under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic.

Are there more stupid people in the world than ever before? Author James Howard Kunstler said recently on his weekly podcast that the number of stupid people is exploding. They’re also exerting what amounts to political and cultural tyranny over the rest of society. In fact, never before have stupid people had both the money and means to broadcast their thoughts, biases, anger and irrational ideas to everyone else.

By stupid Kunstler doesn’t mean those of low IQ. Members of this expanding Idiocracy are often reasonably intelligent and even well educated. Yet, they possess a kind of willful ignorance that takes pride in how much they don’t know and contempt for anyone and anything that represents knowledge or learning.

Here are a few stupid examples.

Numerous public opinion polls have found that about 45% percent of the American public (and 60% of Republicans) believe that God created the world in its present form about 10,000 years ago.  To accept this idea you have to completely reject all the basic principles of physics, biology and geology. In other words all those fossil records and the tools used by scientists to measure light traveling from distant stars are phony. And lest you think that stupidity is limited to the politically and religiously conservative, the same polls found that 12% of atheists also agree with this version of “young earth creationism.”

Politicians have proven they can get votes and win elections by pretending to be ill educated or contemptuous of elites. GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin claimed to be just a sharp elbowed soccer mom while the patrician and New England born George W. Bush was a slow talkin’ Texas cowboy.

If you’ve watched coverage of a town hall meeting recently you’ve seen a lot of people who believe passionately (and loudly) in things that have no basis in fact. We’re not talking about ideas that don’t have much to support them (like the British Royal Family are alien reptiles or Paris Hilton has talent), but claims for which there is considerable evidence to the contrary (Barak Obama was born in Kenya or granny will face a death panel under healthcare reform).

Clearly many proponents of these ideas are opportunists with nothing to lose by spewing forth bizarre claims. They include politicians and talk show hosts such as ratings leader Glenn Beck. As Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) put it: “Glenn Beck is not aligned with any party as far as I can tell. He’s aligned with cynicism, and there’s always been a market for cynicism.”

And that market is heavily populated by stupid people.

Are you one of them? You could be and not know it. To help you discover your inner idiot here’s a little test. The higher your score the… well you know the answer to that.

How stupid are you?

1. When faced with a complex problem you “always go with your gut.” 2 points

2. You find it odd a soccer mom has never been elected president. 5 points

3. When someone tells you to send an e-mail protesting ________ you do so without question. 4 points

4. You watch Glenn Beck’s show on Fox three or more times a week. 4 points

5. You get choked up too when Glenn Beck has an impromptu cry on air. 5 points

6. You own a Glenn Beck rodeo clown doll. 10 points

7. People say about you: “He never met a conspiracy he didn’t like.”  5 points

8. You suspect your neighbor is an alien reptile from another dimension working to take over the world. 10 points (subtract 5 point if he’s Prince Charles).